Major Chrome failure: All extensions say ERR_FILE_NOT_FOUND

So Chrome freaked out one day and wouldn't load any pages. After completely uninstalling and reinstalling and reinstalling again using the dev channel and tuing off account sync and removing all history from the servers (ouch), I actually got it to work again as a browser but all my extensions are dead. They show the little puzzle piece (like in this question) and when I try to access the options or use them I get ERR_FILE_NOT_FOUND.

I have tried uninstalling them all countless times, via right-click and via the trashcan icon in the chrome://extensions/ interface. When I open Chrome again they are back. I thought about reinstalling each one from the market, but it says it's already installed (and I really don't want to do them all one by one).

I'm open to any suggestions. I already took the nuclear option so I'll do anything.

Oh, current version is Version 53.0.2785.80 beta-m (64-bit)

Recent Questions...